ok so here it is nikki...thanks! for making me cry. inside as to why? well when I was a little girl my "arrow" died. she was scared just like you... what direction to take next. there were three kids depending on her now, husband that didn't know how to be one, and all the questions and passions of life she had in her head beating her up. how I wish it was a question of sweater or yummy wine. how I wish I'd been an adult for her to talk through her pain and wrenching in her heart. but I wasn't and she left me, my little sister and little brother. later my therapist gave me a book that said "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" and I've been mad at her ever since.
telling you this why? well funny thing... when we met at the center for women and you boldly came out of your shell to talk about your passion... you reminded me of her. Well, my memories of her. don't know why... maybe because I've read your columns, quotes and editorial comments for so long and really "bonded" with your sense of humor that's what really helped. When the article about Rose was in there... she was my Mom's best friend! I was in the airport crying... calling my Dad. all these things.
And here I am. Waiting for that same damn arrow. The arrow I wish I'd had when pregnant at 19 and my Step-mother made me give it up. The arrow I needed and no one could show me when I was in an abusive marriage and needed like hell to give it up.
So do me a favor my words friend.... if and when you find your arrow... please share! my heart aches for one. bless you!xo
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